I wrote this last night before going to bed. I felt as though I needed to get it off my mind…
How skewed I find myself today… I believe that this is due to the depression that has been building up throughout the course of today. Since Rob left yesterday, Rachel has shown little interest in things around her. That is unfortunate, since it seems to be rubbing off onto me. Not to be totally selfish, I think that she must be going through a pretty depressed moment, as she faces the next 2 months without seeing the love in her life. I feel for her, and I would like to offer her a better solution, other than sleeping away the feelings. Ultimately, I do not think that sleeping for long periods of time brings the person out of their depression. It is only the involvement in activities, getting ones mind off of the major subject causing said depression. Enough of that though…
I have been contemplating my world quite a bit, today. I have to admit that I feel much older than I did two days ago. I recently found out that one of my best friends (Andy Noth) from Green Bay is engaged. I would like to congratulate Andy & Amy and wish them the best. This coupled with the other engagement announcement from another GB couple, Jake & Brooke, has taken me out of the “college student” role and thrust me into the “life after college” role. As I look around at those near my age, and those close to me, I see happy couples going about the life laid out for them.
This brings me to yet another thing that has shrouded my mind lately. It seems that the common thing to do is to get married between ages 25 & 30. In general, ladies like closer to 25, while guys would prefer 30 or older. I myself, feel as though I will miss that range. I just don’t picture myself settling down into the typical family role. By the typical family role, I picture a middle aged guy coming home from a mediocre job, to find dinner ready at 6:00. After dinner, watch TV and finally go to bed, only to do it all over again. This type of life style seems so unfulfilling to me. Granted, the love part is what keeps things warm and makes it all worth it. Then again, maybe I’ll find someone who will make me feel as though I should settle down with them, only to leave my dreams for the dreams of our children. And so the cycle continues… As a side note, I did feel as though I met that person once before, but it apparently was not meant to be…
The final part is about the whole money thing… Oh, I have many thoughts on this subject. I actually had one major feeling toward my current employment situation until I read some excerpts from Einstein. So taken in by what I have read tonight, I am going to hold off on my original plans and do some thinking on how I want to approach my future. How much do I feel I should sacrifice for a green piece of paper? Are the sacrifices necessary? Do I play the existing game or change the rules of the game? So much of how this world works frustrates me. It’s not that I can’t get involved and add my 2 or 4 cents worth, it’s just how things work that really pisses me off. The fact that population control has a higher price tag than exploration / research. I agree with Einstein in that it amazes me how the human race, with how intelligent we are, still practices and makes a point to have wars and bickering be the backbone of society.
Anyway, I have to admit that putting this down in writing has lifted some of the weight of the world. I hope that I am able to express myself like this, if not more, in the future. For now, I’m back to reading some more of Einstein’s genius.