Weird… I’m feeling pretty depressed again. It’s really weird how this seems to go in waves. I’m going to keep writing about when I feel very depressed, to try to figure out a couple things. One, if it has a cycle like, ahem, someone that I’m living is on. Or if it has a specific day that it always seems to land on. Currently, that day seems to be Sunday. Anyway, I could somewhat notice that it was creeping into my life a little last night. I went out with a couple friends and really didn’t feel like drinking. So, I just people watched at the club that we were at. I didn’t have a shitty time, but at the same time, I didn’t have a blast either. I do have to admit that the place that we went ranks up there on decent places to go around here.
So, back to the madness… I think part of the reason that I felt weird last night and somewhat today, is that I’ve been hanging around girls primarily. It sounds like it is cool and all, but they’re fucking stupid sometimes. Too often, I caught myself analyzing their behavior throughout the night. All I have to say is fuck any girl who criticizes their “other” for looking at or acknowledging other girls in the room… Maybe it has just been the girls that I’ve been hanging out with, but they hit on other guys, wear clothes to specifically get notice, and try all sorts of shit just to get attention. So apparently, attention is the universal weakness of a girl, I guess. To then witness the fragility that is the girl’s state of mind, suck the girl into the role that they are trying to put on for that night. I think that’s how some girls get “hurt” by one night stands, etc. They don’t realize that it is all brought on by themselves and a guy is just a pawn playing the hand dealt. Now don’t get me wrong, I know some guys are smooth as shit, and can talk girls into doing most anything, but I think that 9 times out of 10, girls are asking for what is coming. I find it somewhat interesting, the lines at which girls draw… How they don’t acknowledge someone over here, but hang on this other person. I won’t even get into their view on looks or “it’s not the looks that count, it’s what is underneath.” Yeah… keep smoking that crack. I think a combination of all of this has really made me sick of the bar scene and just VERY frustrated with the whole dating system… It would be so nice to be able to weed out all girls that play little games like that.
So anyway, I’m going to say that the catalyst for my depression has been my recent analytic behavioral observations. (heh, maybe I should’ve been a psych major)
As a side note, I have to admit that the girls have been really cool to hang out with… Once you take away all of those fucked up games.