I have opened a (one of many?) Pandora’s Box… The one that I led myself through was love. I opened my world up and with that came all sorts of the joy and happiness. I have been going through the opposite for longer than I want to, lately… Now, don’t get me wrong… the joy and happiness outweigh the misery come-down many times over, but I feel like the depression of winter has not yet been lifted from me. Each year, I feel as though winter slowly shuts me down and I generally feel depressed (most of the time without knowing it). Towards spring and summer, I start feeling more alive and come out of the “darkness” of depression. It’s possible that I’ve just been in a general state of depression for about the last year or so, though.
Being away from so many people who cared about me, how I felt, what I was doing, what I was going to do, etc probably made my feelings that much more intense. The positive thing that I’ve gotten out of being away from everyone, is that I now have a strong feeling of what I want in the coming years of life. I can’t say that I want this for the rest of my life (but hey, why not), but for the next 10 to 30 years or so, it seems like the right path to take.
I have decided that love (be it from a lover or from just close friends) is many times more valuable than any money, job, or “way of life.” It has taken me quite a long time to get to this decision, even though I heard other people talk about it daily. I really don’t think that I listened to those people and, as many before, thought that with money came joy. Now, I’m not saying that I’m rich or that I don’t want to be. I know I will be… I’m just saying that my drive has shifted to wanting to be around those who care. To go through this life without having someone there to share experiences with seems like a waste to me. If you have more money than you know what to do with, then what? Most people in that position try to get a little more… to try to out do themselves. To me, they’re missing more than they know and probably avoiding something more illusive.
So, I think from now on, I’m going to do things that only make me (and as a side effect, possibly those around me) happy. I figure that if I do that, the money will follow… I’m not worried in the least about having money or meeting someone else’s expectations, so I might enjoy my days… I would just rather have money take a backseat to joy/happiness for once. I suppose I’ll be labeled a terrorist for this sort of thought, now 😉