Cleared my mind of built up feelings about a friend

I talked with a friend tonight… She was once my best friend, someone I confided in, and will always be with me in one way or another. Anyway, I had been thinking about us for a while and I wanted to get some things off of my mind. I had the conversation swirling through my mind for a couple weeks because we just couldn’t find the time to be together to talk. Anyway, I just told her that there didn’t need to be dinner or drinks or any particular reason, to get together, other than getting this off of my chest.

It’s weird… when I originally was putting together thoughts about what I wanted to tell her, I had strong emotions for wanting to get back together with her. But strangely, with each passing day that it just didn’t work out for us to meet, those feelings changed slightly. I met some other people throughout that time, and I have to admit that one made me feel as good [mentally] as Jeana once did. I had a blast talking to her and things just went well. It’s easy to feel good with someone physically, but to be mentally attracted to someone is the difficult thing.

So anyway, the main focus of my conversation w/ Jeana had to do with a realization that I had about our split-up. I just basically realized that I wasn’t ready for the "next-level" that our relationship was headed towards. So I got scared (subconsciously?) and backed away… well, the pieces fell where they did and we’re both where we are today because of that… I also told her that I don’t feel comfortable seeing her with another person, yet, so I don’t know what will happen in the future – as far as hanging out, etc…

Long story short, it felt good to get that out of the way. We ended up talking for a while… just about random things. I’m undecided if I would want to start a relationship with her again. I know we can click really well, together, but there is a thought (in both of us) that maybe we’re just not right for each other.

It’ll be an interesting road from here on out, but it’s one that I’m ready for…. Or so I tell myself 🙂