Jeana – Last attempt… 3 months after the split

Today I talked with Jeana.  Basically I called to confirm whether or not I should move to Minneapolis to be with her.  She told me again that she didn’t think it would work out because we have different views. 

She used the drug thing again as a major point.  When I told her that that was behind me, she brought up our views on finance, politics, and religion.  She said that someone said that people should have those views in common.  I disagree… maybe people need to have opposite views to be interesting to each other… maybe not though. 

Anyway, we have the same view on finance, but the other two views are different.  I’m not completly aware of her political view, but I do know that it differs from mine.  I can remember last christmas when we were home… she automatically took her Dad’s view on politics, which is understandable… though, at the time, it seemed like she just took it with lack of reason.  Anyway, I’m deviating.

I told her that I hoped that she wasn’t basing everything about us not being together from that phone call… she said that it was a combination of phone calls, which stemed from that call.  A few of them, I made some mistakes with some of my statements.  The one about drugs was misplaced.  I was thinking short-sighted and saying what I had hoped since junior year of highschool…. as I look at it now, I don’t think that I will smoke into my grey years.  It might be an occasional thing, but it’s not going to be a major issue for me. 

Also, her sister is moving to Minneapolis in August, so that will probably cheer her up and get her mind off me.  I really hope that she has properly thought this through because at this point, I feel quite drained from the amount of time and thought I have put into moving. 

One thing that she brought up that seemed out of place was that if I moved there, it would weird her out.  I could see that… being that it would make her uncomfortable if I hover around her, instead of allowing her to get on with her life.  I just wanted to offer my companionship with her, if she desired it.

She also brought up that if I would have said, 6 months ago, that I was going to move there, she would’ve been all for it.  Which basically points fingers to that downfall of events that happened.  I can’t help but think that calling her Julie’s name added to this madness.

Jeana tried to comfort me by saying that there is someone perfect for me out there, with more in common than what we have.  She did bring up the comfort zone type of saying too.  Jeana mentioned that our relationship was very comfortable, but we never really got to talk about our views on major issues.  She said that it could be easy going back into our relationship, but she is ready to move on.  She said that she has learned a lot about herself and what she wants from relationships.

So right now, I sit here pretty depressed thinking what if, what if… etc.  I know things could have changed, if I would have said this or not have said that.  I don’t know if this is a good thing for me, or if I’ll regret this later in life.  I do know that I want to respect her and not move there.  I will be moving with Rob and Rachel to Baltimore and start fresh, I guess…

So, while I’m reading this looking back on my last days in Milwaukee, picture myself sitting at my desk in boxers and a white t-shirt, fan blowing on me… pretty much in tears, while feelings rush through me from all directions and times.

The uncertanty is so great that I feel slightly uncomfortable.  Basically, I’m feeling like I did when I first went to college.  Except now, I know that I’ll be starting fresh with some great people in my life.

Well, I’m going to finish packing for the trip to Microsoft.  That is also adding to my wave of emotions.  Till next time…

Update: Ported over from my Journal in my old PhpNuke setup.