Today I talked with Jeana.  Basically I called to confirm whether or not I should move to Minneapolis to be with her.  She told me again that she didn’t think it would work out because we have different views. 

She used the drug thing again as a major point.  When I told her that that was behind me, she brought up our views on finance, politics, and religion.  She said that someone said that people should have those views in common.  I disagree… maybe people need to have opposite views to be interesting to each other… maybe not though. 

Anyway, we have the same view on finance, but the other two views are different.  I’m not completly aware of her political view, but I do know that it differs from mine.  I can remember last christmas when we were home… she automatically took her Dad’s view on politics, which is understandable… though, at the time, it seemed like she just took it with lack of reason.  Anyway, I’m deviating.

I told her that I hoped that she wasn’t basing everything about us not being together from that phone call… she said that it was a combination of phone calls, which stemed from that call.  A few of them, I made some mistakes with some of my statements.  The one about drugs was misplaced.  I was thinking short-sighted and saying what I had hoped since junior year of highschool…. as I look at it now, I don’t think that I will smoke into my grey years.  It might be an occasional thing, but it’s not going to be a major issue for me. 

Also, her sister is moving to Minneapolis in August, so that will probably cheer her up and get her mind off me.  I really hope that she has properly thought this through because at this point, I feel quite drained from the amount of time and thought I have put into moving. 

One thing that she brought up that seemed out of place was that if I moved there, it would weird her out.  I could see that… being that it would make her uncomfortable if I hover around her, instead of allowing her to get on with her life.  I just wanted to offer my companionship with her, if she desired it.

She also brought up that if I would have said, 6 months ago, that I was going to move there, she would’ve been all for it.  Which basically points fingers to that downfall of events that happened.  I can’t help but think that calling her Julie’s name added to this madness.

Jeana tried to comfort me by saying that there is someone perfect for me out there, with more in common than what we have.  She did bring up the comfort zone type of saying too.  Jeana mentioned that our relationship was very comfortable, but we never really got to talk about our views on major issues.  She said that it could be easy going back into our relationship, but she is ready to move on.  She said that she has learned a lot about herself and what she wants from relationships.

So right now, I sit here pretty depressed thinking what if, what if… etc.  I know things could have changed, if I would have said this or not have said that.  I don’t know if this is a good thing for me, or if I’ll regret this later in life.  I do know that I want to respect her and not move there.  I will be moving with Rob and Rachel to Baltimore and start fresh, I guess…

So, while I’m reading this looking back on my last days in Milwaukee, picture myself sitting at my desk in boxers and a white t-shirt, fan blowing on me… pretty much in tears, while feelings rush through me from all directions and times.

The uncertanty is so great that I feel slightly uncomfortable.  Basically, I’m feeling like I did when I first went to college.  Except now, I know that I’ll be starting fresh with some great people in my life.

Well, I’m going to finish packing for the trip to Microsoft.  That is also adding to my wave of emotions.  Till next time…

Update: Ported over from my Journal in my old PhpNuke setup.

Well, I talked to Rachel about the whole situation.  She told me again that her and Rob go through that type of argument a few times yearly.  Anyway, she told me to give Jeana a call because girls expect the guy to initiate first. 

So I called up Jeana and we carried on a conversation somewhat like we would any other time.  There was one point at the end, where it appeared as though both of us had exhausted our topics to talk about.  At this point, I gave her an out, and asked if I should let her go.  She said yeah, and told me that Julie called… Part of me doubts that, but I do think that she talked with Julie afterwards. 

At the end of the phone call, we said good night & i told her that I loved her.  She said it back, but it appeared to me that she was waiting for me to say it first.  Maybe this goes along with how girls want the guy to initiate things first. 

The only thing that I’m completly sure about now, is that girls are fucking retarted with their little mind games.  It’s enough to piss a person off.  And this realization came to Rachel, as I talked with her, and she agreed completly.

Update: Ported over from my Journal in my old PhpNuke setup.

Well… I went to Michigan this weekend, and had a really good time.  We gamed mostly, and I *hopefully* fixed Bill’s computer, by installing WinXP & changing all drives to NTFS.  I talked to him briefly about the situation, and he basically said that he has been in the same position, but he didn’t really offer that much insight, unfortunately. 

So now it’s Monday, and I decided that I should get a girl’s perspective on the issue.  I talked with Rachel, for about 10 minutes tonight, about the whole situation.  She basically said that her and Rob had similar arguments and that it’s just something that comes up now and again.  The only thing different in their situation is that she used to smoke, so her thoughts might be a little different than Jeanas. 

Anyway, Rachel told me that it was pretty much up to me to call Jeana.  That if it was Rachel in that position, she would be expecting a call from her boyfriend.  So I called Jeana, and we had a pretty good talk.  We seemed to avoid the topic, and carried on a "normal" conversation.  We talked about general things such as what we did this last weekend, how work/school was going, etc…. After getting through all of that, we both were silent for a while, and I kind of sensed that she hessitated bringing it up.  Personally, I didn’t really want to talk about it, either, since I really didn’t have anything new to say about the issue. So rather than drag the phone call on and make both of us feel uncomfortable, I let her go.

So now I sit wondering what this is all about.  Rachel mentioned that every fight that girls have with their boys is a "test" to see how much the other loves them.  If this is a test, I think it sucks… Anyway I’m just going to play this by ear and see what happens.

In the mean time, the thought of single life has sparked an interest in me.  Maybe it’s just the warm weather that we’ve had this past weekend.  I dunno… to be continued 🙂

Update: Ported over from my Journal in my old PhpNuke setup.

Well… tonight, Jeana & I decided that we should take some time off from each other.  It kind of came as a shock to me, but it’ll be interesting none the less.  I feel as though we haven’t stopped our relationship since last fall, so maybe this is a good thing.

The main reason was that I turn into a non-social person when I smoke.  That and when we talked about it, I defended my smoking, rather than focused on her feelings.  Strange, random thoughts are going through my head.  Basically summed up by "girls are confusing."

So now… who knows.  I don’t know if this is one of those "tests" that girls do, or what.  I’m going to talk to Rachel when I get back and see what she has to say about it all.  In any case, it’ll be nice to hear a neutral girl’s opinion on the matter. 

Btw, I’m kind of saddened that it took this event for me to write in this journal.  I think this is kind of cool.  Anyway, till next time… I’m sure I’ll have some more thoughts on this or something.

As for this weekend, I’m headed over to Saginaw to visit Bill.  I’ll see if he has anything to add too… I do plan on waiting the weekend and not calling her till I talk to Rachel, or if Jeana calls first.

Update: Ported over from my Journal in my old PhpNuke setup.